3am: I wonder…if I melted chocolate over the top of my homemade ice cream…how long before the ice cream melts? I bet the kids would like that at Christmas. Are they coming for Christmas? Should I get new stockings? Oh! The stocking my mom made for me. I shouldn’t replace that one…she made it with so much love. Mom. What a terrible thing dementia is. That poor waitress in New Mexico when she told Mom she needed to see her ID to have a glass of wine. I should put that bottle of Pinot Grigio into the fridge so that I could actually drink it one day! “A black fly in your chardonnay.” I don’t think that is actually “Ironic.” I think it wrecks a nice glass of wine, but ironic? That’s a stretch…
Is this familiar? Well, okay, maybe not MY random 3am thoughts stringing themselves together, but certainly you’ve had a spiral of your own in the middle of the night. This most recent stream of consciousness was admittedly more lighthearted than others, but you get the idea. Insert any number of annoyances, irritations, or just flat out anger and that spiral can drive your normal daily frustrations straight into an entirely new level. Like to the top of the Empire State Building where your bestie then needs to metaphorically talk you off the ledge.
You know that 3am ledge. And, hey! There are countless apps to get you through! There are tips and tricks! The algorithm knows when you’re on the ledge and will overtake your feed with weighted panda bears, mocktail recipes, cortisol tea, breathing techniques, make yourself a safe space for sleeping, fancy sleep-all-night earbuds…it is most definitely an industry at this point.
The answer is however, quite literally, found within the tea leaves.
A very wise, thoughtful person in my life recently shared a bit of sage advice with me (along with a new idea for some cupcake flair, which I equally appreciated).
Stop working so hard to push those thoughts away. Invite those emotions in! All of them. Usher them into your brain in the same fashion you would invite a friend into your living room for tea.
“Come in, come in!” Move the dog blankets off the couches, hide the stack of magazines in the closet, dust off the coffee table. Make it inviting and beautiful. “How can I help you?”
Bring out the cucumber sandwiches, the ladyfingers, the strawberries dipped in chocolate. Bring out the Earl Grey and the Chai, and immerse yourself in the conversation. Wrap yourself up like those emotions are a warm, handknit blanket and just…talk.
“What can I do for you?” “What brings you here?” Dare I say…”What are you feeling?”
This is a time to stop shoving aside your emotions for a “better” time and embrace them. Honor them. Give them the time they deserve, because goodness knows you’ve been through quite enough to be at this point in the first place.
And this…this is my favorite part. There comes a time with every lovely little get-together that, sad as it may be…it is over. Time for everyone to go home. “It was lovely to see you, thank you for coming, have a lovely evening.”
And as quickly as you invited those emotions into the far corners of your brain, you usher them right back out. This is your brain, these are your emotions. You get to be the one in control, not them.
Certainly as you begin this journey you will notice that one or two steel their way back in to nab one more treat off the table. But you can stand at the door and smile, shutting it behind them as they leave once more.
“Isn’t that weird?” a friend asked me, “Doesn’t that feel weird to actually have a conversation with yourself and wrestle through all these thoughts as if you were really talking with someone?”
Sure…at first it does. But I am here to tell you, eventually it becomes second nature and you find yourself with a newfound love for being in control of your own thought spirals. And (plot twist) you may just come to find that you can pull this off at any time of day, not just at 3am.
“But indeed, I would rather have nothing but tea.” ~Jane Austen
Hillary Danaher 